Chair Force Engineer

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Super-Size Me

The other day I looked into buying a refrigerator (using my program's funds) for our new office building. It turns out that there are all sorts of asinine rules which prevent Air Force people from buying refrigerators. For instance, you have to be a considerable distance away from the nearest "snack bar." It would appear that while the Air Force pushes physical fitness, the Government Purchase Card office promotes unhealthy eating.

To prove the absurdity of the situation, I'm thinking about taking the GPC office's guidance, and eating from the local fast-food establishments twice a day for the next thirty days. By the time I'm finished with this plan, I will make a certain 400-pound muckraking filmmaker look like "Twiggy" by comparison with me. I will apply for a waiver so I can wear a mumu to work, because I will have outgrown the Air Force uniform. For physical training, I can drive to the top of a large hill and roll down it like the boulder from Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom.

So I have two options here: eat so much fast food that I get cast in "Free Willy 6," or find some loophole in the GPC regulations so I can get my damned refrigerator. The former will mean certain death; the latter may be almost as bad.